


The Measure of Things

by I_am_a_Cephalopod



Series: Never had [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Continuation, M/M, Poe is scared of not living up to expectations, Poe sings, but boy does he love Finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 22:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5887564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_a_Cephalopod/pseuds/I_am_a_Cephalopod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Music was made out of love, in Poe’s mind. Love for people, love for ideas, love for the music itself, and Poe shared his love far and wide. He had already lost his mother when he was so young, and, being a pilot for the Resistance, he lost friends more often than he ever imagined he would. So he played for his squad, for the fellow pilots, when they were happy, when they were sad, anytime they asked really, just to try and show them how much he cared while he still could."</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Poe likes to show he cares by singing, but is afraid that Finn might not like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Measure of Things

**Author's Note:**

> This is "Singing Never Hurt" except from Poe's point of view. You should probably go read that one first, since I wrote it first, but it's not necessary.  
> \--> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5659612

Poe Dameron loved music, had loved it for his entire life.

From the time he was a baby his mother sang him to sleep, her voice running sweetly over lullabies. As he grew up he learned to sing from her, just as he learned to fly. His father was the one that gave him a guitar, teaching him to hold and play it at the age of seven, his mother watching on with love. A year later, when they lost her, Poe played and sang in her memory.

Music was made out of love, in Poe’s mind. Love for people, love for ideas, love for the music itself, and Poe shared his love far and wide. He had already lost his mother when he was so young, and, being a pilot for the Resistance, he lost friends more often than he ever imagined he would. So he played for his squad, for the fellow pilots, when they were happy, when they were sad, anytime they asked really, just to try and show them how much he cared while he still could.

When they set up on D’Qar, Poe was overjoyed that they set up what could be called a bar, though it didn’t serve anything stronger than beer, and only then on special occasions. Still, the food wasn’t half bad, and the best part about it was the stage. It wasn’t planned that way, actually, but the raised area that actually covered quite a bit of pluming had been so tempting that Poe just had to bring his guitar one night, early on. And he brought it, and he played, and from then on it was a tradition.

There were a lot of people on base who were musically inclined, Poe was delighted to find out, and he had some of his best memories in the Watering Hole. Celebrations after victories, memorials for fallen friends, and any other occasion they could come up with to get all the pilots together for some down time.

His send off on his mission that led him to Jakku had been a fun night, full of songs and only one beer for Poe, but everyone else partook greatly. He kept that memory close to his chest, through watching the village get massacred, being captured, and his torture. With what Kylo Ren did to him, though, he felt like never singing again, not for anyone in the galaxy.

Escaping in the TIE fighter with his newly named friend, though, had made Poe feel like singing for joy, freedom coursing through his veins like adrenaline (which actually was adrenaline). After they crashed, though, he had sung to himself as he walked over the sands, a song of loss, for BB-8, for his ship, even for Finn, who hadn’t been anywhere in sight when he came to.

Eventually he got off that Force forsaken planet, making it back to base, feeling like he was at his lowest. He doubted he’d ever play again, having felt like his love of music had died on that planet. Died with Finn.

It helped when they found BB-8, and a small blossom of hope curled in Poe’s stomach that maybe, just maybe, if his droid was alive, Finn was too. And that thought was enough to have him whooping and hollering with his squad, flying low and picking off Stormtroopers.

Music was the farthest thing from his mind, though, as soon as he actually saw Finn. He barely even thought of moving before his feet had taken him flying, crashing into his friend he had thought lost. A friend who was wearing his coat, and looked amazing in it. More than amazing, if Poe were being honest, but then Finn was asking for help and all Poe could do was give it because this man deserved everything Poe had to offer: voice included.

With this thought he flew into battle, promising himself and Finn that he’d make it out alive, and show Finn just how grateful he was. For him, for being rescued, for BB-8’s return, for everything. So he shot down everything that came at him, and took the plunge when he saw the breach, for Finn, for the Resistance, and maybe a bit for Finn’s friend too, because she was the reason Finn and BB-8 had returned to him.

As they landed on D’Qar, the celebratory shouts going up, Poe was excited to get to bring Finn to the Watering Hole, to get to show him what it means to be free. To get to show him music. And so he approached the Millennium Falcon with as much excitement as the rest of the crowd, just waiting to see Finn. But instead it was a young woman, darting down the ramp and shouting for help. She looked so young, so lost and distraught, and Poe couldn’t bear to think about what had happened, couldn’t let himself. Not until Chewbacca descended, a motionless Finn in his arms.

Poe felt his world stop, and for one breathless moment he thought he might break down there, yelling at… something, the universe, everything? He didn’t know, all he knew was that he had lost Finn once, and getting him back had been a gift like no other. And now he’d lost him again, lost him without getting to know anything else about him.

 

* * *

 

He had always heard that you should talk to people in comas, that they could hear you and it helped them get better, but there was nothing he could think of that Rey probably hadn’t already said. So he did the next best thing he knew of: he sang.

Whenever he visited, he made sure to sing something different, not wanting to bore Finn with the same song every time. He expanded his musical library quite a bit, spending his spare time on missions learning new songs to share with Finn. On base, he’d visit between drills and debriefings, sometimes taking his guitar in with him for accompaniment. The medical staff started expecting him, the ones who had time stopping by Finn’s room to listen for a bit before going on to more important things.

It was comfortable, except for the whole ‘friend isn’t waking up from a coma’ thing, and Poe found himself playing only for Finn, not bothering to go up on the stage the few times he visited the Watering Hole. The other pilots noticed, of course they did, but he didn’t mind all that much.

One day, when he had finished the first song he was planning on sharing, he left to get himself a drink and look over the next song he wanted to play. When he got back, he looked up to find Finn staring at him, and for a moment he couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, all he could do was wait for this hallucination to end.

“You’re alive,” Finn said, breaking the silence and proving that, no, this was actually happening. Poe couldn’t help but laugh, joy filling up in his chest, and it only took him a few strides to be next to Finn, staring deeply into eyes he had so missed.

“That’s supposed to be my line,” he teased. “You gave us all quite the scare,” he added, wanting to say just how much it had hurt him to think Finn might not wake up. But he didn’t, instead reaching for Finn’s hand. When Finn didn’t pull away he squeezed it tight, rubbing the back of it to try and show just how much he had missed him.

But common sense prevailed, and he went to go get the doctors. He was reluctant to leave his friend, but it was important to keep Finn healthy now that he was awake, and the doctor was the best one to do that.

After that, Poe’s routine changed only a little. Instead of singing to Finn when he came to visit, he helped him with his physical therapy. Each day they wondered a little farther, Finn clearly frustrated with the pace at which he was improving. But Poe knew he’d hurt himself if he pushed too hard, and he made a point of keeping their excursions well within what the doctors said was ok.

Poe did manage to show Finn more of the base each day, if only a little. It wasn’t like they were in a rush or anything, Finn having all the time in the world to heal, but Poe couldn’t wait to show him all his favorite spots. The lake that wasn’t too far off base, for one, with its calm waters and that one tree that hung almost horizontal above it. Or the tiny path that wound around the outskirts of the base, through green forests that teemed with life. But most of all, he wanted to show Finn the Watering Hole.

One day he decided that Finn could take it, the walk there, the energy of the room, and the walk back, all in one day. So Poe led him there, grinning as they walked and soaring when Finn smiled back, obviously confused but clearly game for whatever adventure Poe was dragging him on. Poe entered the ‘bar’ and showed it off with a ‘taadaa’ topped with jazz hands. The whole kit and caboodle. Finn looked skeptical, but Poe wouldn’t let that faze him, leading them to a table in the corner and going to see if they still had beer.

They didn’t, he found out, but while he was deciding what other delicious thing to bring back, Samson, a gunner and a friend of one of the other pilots, took the stage. It was one of the first songs she had ever written, a favorite on base that had been covered (with her permission) by just about everyone. No one did it quite so well as she did, but then again, she emoted so greatly through her music. Probably to make up for her stony face the rest of the time.

When Poe returned to the table, Finn was clearly caught up in the music, not even noticing the pilot set down the drinks and snacks he had procured. But that didn’t matter, because his face was so awestricken that Poe couldn’t really believe it.

When the song ended, Poe applauded with the rest of the room, adding in a whistle to thank her for giving Finn that amazing music experience. He deserved it, you know, hero and all. With a grin, Poe turned to ask Finn what he thought of it, only to stop short. There were tears streaming down his friend’s face, and that nearly stopped his heart.

“Are you ok?” he asked, longing to reach out and wipe the tears from Finn’s cheek.

“Yes, why?”

“You’re crying,” he told him gently. Finn raised a hand, feeling the tears on his own face before rubbing at them hard enough that it probably heart.

“I don’t know why,” he said, sounding distressed, and that wouldn’t do. But then Poe made the connection, good music and strong emotional reaction, and realized just what had happened.

“Well, music has been known to do that.”

Finn was still confused, and said as much.

“Music usually evokes emotions,” Poe explained, his hand inching further across the table, “Like happiness,” further, “or sadness,” further. “Crying is just one reaction to this, and plenty of people cry because music.”

“But I’m not sad,” Finn exclaimed, and Poe couldn’t help but smile a bit brighter at that.

“You can cry from happiness. That’s my favorite type of crying, to be honest.”

The look of relief on Finn’s face was too much to handle, and Poe could no longer help himself. He reached out, stroking his thumb across Finn’s cheek and catching a stray tear. Finn leaned in, only slightly, but stilled, looking at Poe with large eyes, and Poe stilled too. His heart beat against his ribcage, and oh no, he had it. He had it bad.

But Finn deserved better than him, always had and always will, so he drew back, making sure to keep his smile in place. Friends was good, friends was ok.

 

* * *

 

Poe wasn’t all that surprised when Finn kept on going back to the Watering Hole. The guy clearly loved music, and even when Poe didn’t go with him, you could usually find the ex-stormtrooper there. Poe still went with him though, not missing the looks of anticipation from the other patrons. He hadn’t played for anyone since Finn woke up, only practicing by himself in his room, but it didn’t quite feel right. He always left to disappointed looks from the other Resistance members, but Finn never looked upset, and that was all that mattered.

What did matter, though, was that it seemed like Poe was the only friend Finn had on base, and that would never do. Finn deserved to be surrounded by people who cared for him, so Poe decided that the other pilots would be good enough until the rest of the base warmed up to him. And what better place to introduce them all than the Watering Hole.

Finn was really quiet, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable, more like he was enjoying the company. And it wasn’t like anyone else was talking much, but that might have been because Poe had let his mouth run away with telling stories. He cringed when he accidentally bet BB-8, hoping beyond hope that Snap was joking when he asked if he could have her. BB-8 wasn’t just a droid, she was his best friend, and you don’t bet away best friends.

Finn backed him up, though, and Poe grinned, knowing his buddy would be there for him. Wexley looked disappointed, but he could go kiss a Hutt for all Poe cared. He was never getting BB, no matter how much he wanted her.

When a song started from the stage, everyone quieted in respect, or at least took their conversations down to a whisper. Poe doesn’t remember the name of the man who played, but he was good, if Poe had any say in who was and wasn’t good. And, as usual, Finn was immediately captured up in the music, his face a picture of pure joy.

In all honesty, Poe barely heard the music, spending his time watching Finn instead. He was beautiful, and so honest about his love of everything, and Poe thought his heart wouldn’t be able to take it. Finn for sure could not get any cuter than he already was, Poe thought very often, but Finn always managed to prove him wrong.

Poe looked around at the pilots, wondering what they thought, but was met with all of their gazes. They all looked surprised, some of them nudging each other, and some coin passed hands. It was confusing, until Poe realized that he had probably been looking at Finn all love-struck, and felt his face starting to burn up. If anything that just made the other pilots more convinced of what was actually true.

Poe was screwed.

He could almost smack them with how they stared dumbly at Finn, and almost did when the look of worry came over his face. That would not do, Poe would not stand for it, but before he could do anything, Jess spoke.

“You like music a lot, don’t you?”

“Uh… yes,” Finn didn’t seem sure that was the right answer, but continued on anyway. “There wasn’t music growing up in the First Order.”

“I would bet not,” she said, and Poe was glad, because no one noticed how he cursed under his breath. He’d take down the First Order single handed if he had to, for what they took from Finn. He took a drink to try and calm himself. “Did you know Poe plays?”

And the drink was swallowed wrong, sending him into a coughing fit. He tried his best to glare at Jess, but it was ineffective. Kriffing pilots, always sticking their noses where people least wanted them.

“He sings too,” Jess said with a grin, and wasn’t that just the icing on the cake.

“I had no idea. He never said anything about it.” The look Finn gave him as he said that was almost hurt, and Poe felt a clamp on his heart. He put that look there, and he had made a promise to himself that he’d punch anyone who hurt Finn. Fuck, he’d have to punch himself now.

“I’m not all that good,” he sidestepped, or at least tried, but Snap joined in on Jess’s little plot, and Poe made a note to run them extra hard on drills.

“Of course you are! You used to be a favorite around the base. Still would be if you bothered to play every once in a while. Everyone’s wondering why you haven’t been playing recently.”

“I haven’t been in the mood,” he explained, taking a drink again, hoping that this time he wouldn’t make a fool of himself.

“Why not play now?” Jess suggested, and Poe had to restrain himself from tossing his drink at her.

“Would you?” Finn pleaded, his eyes wide and beautiful.

Poe doubted anyone could resist that look, the puppy dog face that Finn had somehow perfected, though Poe doubted he’d ever seen a puppy. Finn needed a puppy, Poe decided, but that was a problem to solve later, now he had to get out of singing. It’s not that he didn’t think these people deserved to hear it, it’s just that Finn had never heard him before. With how much he liked music, Poe had to admit he was nervous. What if Finn didn’t think he was any good?

But then he saw the look of excitement Finn was giving him, and he was so out of his depth when it came to Finn.

“I’m doing this because I want to,” he informed, just on principal, “not because you told me to. Got it?”

“Yes sir,” the pilots chorused, and Poe decided that all of them were mischief makers that deserved to be run down in drills, not just Snap and Jess.

As he made his way up to the stage, people started clapping. It was as much a welcome as it was a thanks, and Poe flashed his best smile at everyone. He picked up the guitar, feeling odd not playing his own, but finding the communal one not too bad.

He chose the song that he hadn’t gotten to sing for Finn, that day he woke up, though he wanted to put off singing for as long as possible. So the intro became really drawn out, but no one really seemed like they minded at all. He glanced over to Finn, who was watching him with awe, while talking to Jess, who had slid into Poe’s empty seat, the traitor.

He paused for a moment, letting the atmosphere fill with tension before beginning to sing. It wasn’t a complicated song, but Poe found that he liked it quite a bit. He got lost in it, realizing just how much he had missed singing. He let the music take him, as it often did, and before he knew it he had finished. He looked up, searching for Finn, but he was no longer with the pilots. Instead he was disappearing out the door.

Poe made his way quickly to the table, noticing how worried they all looked.

“What happened?” he asked.

“He froze up when you started singing,” Jess said. “Then just left. Wouldn’t even give an explanation, he just darted.”

Poe didn’t need to hear anymore, figuring that he must have messed something up. He needed to find Finn, to apologize, make things right, even though he had no idea what was wrong. But there was something wrong, Finn never just disappeared like that. He always said goodbye, at least to Poe.

So Poe went looking for him, though he didn’t quite know where to start. He thought of the places Finn could usually be found, but that was the Watering Hole or in training. The rest of the time he seemed to be with Poe, in the ship hangar, wondering the grounds, in Poe’s room each reading or doing their own work. If Finn was walking around outside, it would be next to impossible to find him, but Poe headed that way anyway, stopping by the hangar just in case.

“Finn?” he called, approaching his own X-wing. That would be the one Finn went to, he was sure, and there he was, leaning up against Black One looking like the ground had fallen out from under him. “There you are. I got worried when you disappeared.” He wanted, so bad, to go and envelop him in a hug, to remove whatever was bothering his friend, but he stopped just within reach, waiting for Finn to do something.

But he didn’t move, just breathed deeply, a shudder running down his frame.

“Finn?” he asked softly. He didn’t know what was wrong, he hoped beyond hope it wasn’t him, but if it was he would willingly leave, even if it hurt him. “Are you ok?”

“I don’t know?” He said it like a question, and Poe felt his heart melt for his friend. No one doubted that it was hard getting used to a life of freedom when all you knew was the First Order, but Poe wished it was easier, so Finn wouldn’t have to deal with all this. Poe hummed, trying to figure out what to say, and leaned against the ship.

“You want to talk about it?” he finally asked, deciding that that was the best way to go about it. Once he knew the problem, he could try his best to fix it.

“You sang to me.” It didn’t sound accusatory, but it was a bit confusing. There had been an entire room full of people, and while the song had been meant for Finn, there was no way the other man knew that.

“There were a lot of other people there,” he said, hoping it came across casual. “It wasn’t just you.”

“But it was, before.” When Finn looked at him he felt like he could see down into Poe’s soul. Everything was there, open, for him to see, and Poe hoped that he understood just what it meant, and that he wouldn’t be afraid, or push him away.

“When I was in a coma,” he went on, “I could hear things. I heard Rey once, and the medical staff, but there was a person who would sing to me, all the time.” He paused, searching Poe’s face. “That was you, wasn’t it?”

Poe felt a bit like he had been caught, and for a moment he couldn’t say all that much. He opened and closed his mouth, like a gaping fish, before clearing his throat. He nodded. “Yeah, buddy, that was me.”

Before Poe knew what was happening, Finn had stepped into his space, resting his hands on his face and kissing Poe like he’d never been kissed before. It was sloppy, and obviously his first, but it was sweet and conveyed so much. His own hands found their way to Finn’s arms, feeling how strong he was and grasping tight, keeping him close.

He pulled back reluctantly, knowing that they actually needed to breath. His face hurt, probably from smiling so much. Finn laughed, overjoyed, and breathed out a ‘thank you’ before pulling Poe into another earth shattering kiss. And while Poe thought that Finn deserved better than him, he was more than willing to let him make his own decisions.

**Author's Note:**

> I like to think that Poe is singing this --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDMXMfA2gfc  
> Also, Oscar Issac is so much fun to listen to, holy fucking moly.
> 
> Also, I'd like to thank everyone who commented on the last fic, you guys were the real motivation for me to get this done. Like seriously, that one took a month, this one took two days.
> 
> Feel free to point out mistakes, and constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Anyway, as always, kudos are love, comments are motivation.


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